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Ms prabha arcalgud has this to say on children to follow footsteps of parents?! While re…

While there is one kind of parenting where doctor wants his son to be a doc and mom wants daughter to wear her jewellry, there is an other kind of parenting which is equally difficult to all involved. That’s when a parent(or even worse both parents) wants his/her children to be everything he/she could not be. They want them to have everything they ever dreamt of having growing up and then live the dreams they used to dream as youngsters. This creates so much pressure for both parents and children. There is always an underlying sense of fear in such relationships. Parents fear for the safety of the children not willing to let go. Children fear disappointing parents by crossing the line. Children should be like a packet of seeds of flowering plants that one possess. You plant the seeds, nurture the seedlings and give them the best care you can give. All along you don’t know what colour or size or form the flowers will turn out. But when the flowers bloom you sit back and enjoy the variety in size, shape, colour and fragrance! Just pure JOY!

Seeking joy and happiness in an other person’s happiness is one of the hardest convictions to follow in life.

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Children to follow footsteps of parents?!

While reading a post on “Rambling with Bellur” Blog (link provided on my page), i had made a comment on why people want sons and daughters to be like their parents. i am posting a part of that comment here.

the very title A son need not be like his father made me wonder why we are all so bent upon finding the parent in the child always. Why do we expect the son to be like father and the daughter to be like mother?! Why do we not allow the son to be the son himself and daughter to be the daughter herself?? At one point we all say ‘variety is the spice of life’ and at other times we do not want to see variety but expect everybody to conform to certain ‘standards’ that society has defined. Anybody not conforming to these standards are shunned and not accepted easily. Instead, if we find variations why not we celebrate the differences?

Perhaps this is due to the fact that we all desire immortality in some way or the other. If a doctor’s son/daughter becomes a doctor, the father feels a pride in perpetuating his profession through his son/daughter thus preserving himself through his profession to posterity, amounting to a degree of immortality. He is going to outlive himself through his child! Same may be the reason why people hanker after constructing houses or hoarding jewellery. When their children live in those houses after them, they would still continue to live through those houses or when the daughter wears a mother’s jewellery, mother’s memories are kept intact thus immortalizing the person!

When this is the state we are in, we can imagine how difficult it is to de-identify oneself from this body-mind-intellect complex – as directed in our spiritual texts !

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hello, this was an article i had written in RK’s blog for which i have provided a link on my blog. thought of sharing it with my friends on my blog here with very minute alteration.

August 17, 2007
I agree that parenting is the toughest job on earth. It seldom gets its due share of acknowledgement, and generally goes unsung. It is the most difficult job, where you get hands-on training on the spot, on the real platform always! No prior rehearsals are possible and no ‘undo’ or ‘delete’ options are available if the errors are committed. Though there are thousands of parenting manuals available in the market, all suggestions given are at the most guidelines only and not the absolute truths. That is because no two kids or two parents or two families are similar. Each one is unique with their own amusing characteristics that one man’s Visha (poison) can become another’s Amrutha (nectar) in this matter.

And don’t we all agree that we start realizing and appreciating our parents’ efforts only when we become a parent ourselves!?

And how soon the birds are ready to fly out of the nest! And then starts our lamentation of how I could have spent that time with my kid and how I should not have done this or that and how I could be a totally different parent if only I am given one more chance now to parent my little kid all over again!

So all you young parents, come on, slow down with your other “more important businesses of life”, grab this chance of spending good time with your kids helping him or her to evolve into a beautiful human being tomorrow. Be there for him or her when he or she needs you the most. If not physically possible, at least be there ALWAYS with your kid EMOTIONALLY. Say it in words how much you love him/her, say that you always trust and respect his/her views, you are always there for them both in their achievements and more importantly in their failures too!

I am reminded of a child’s words to its parents:
“Papa and Mama, Love me most when I deserve it the least for it is then that I need it most”.

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