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Archive for the ‘adding dimensions’ Category

February 14th is an exciting day for young and old lovers alike. It can be a day of celebration of love. Love of all hues and colours, with all its grandness and simplicity. It gives me great pleasure to greet you all on the occasion of Valentine’s Day and say that I Love You All very much!

The word ‘Love’ has various connotations to it. As many connotations as the number of people who think about it and contemplate upon its meaning! The mother’s love to her children, the love between siblings, love and affection between spouses, the love between a Guru and a Shishya, love for God, the love among friends, the love we have for our pets, the love of the country, the love for a noble cause dear to us and so many others and then the most prevalent meaning as understood by ordinary mortals, the love between a young girl and a boy that has been celebrated through out human civilization in various forms of art and literature.

This love between a couple – a boy and a girl, a man and a woman, between two people of the same gender, as it is coming out of the closet more and more these days, generally have three faces to it. The intimacy, passion and the commitment. The generation and sustanance of love between two people depends on the amount of these three ingredients in different proportions.

First of all it is the physical attraction that brings two people close together. This attraction is triggered by the proximity of the two people. Perhaps they live in the same neighbourhood or study in the same class/college or work in the same company or may travel together to workplace. (It need not always be the physical proximity. It can even be the frequent proximity over an electronic medium like this, where the physical attraction exists only in imagination! 🙂 ) This proximity helps develop  aquaintence that may lead to excahnge of ideas and opinions. When the similarities in ideas and ideals become known, the attraction may grow stronger. They can come closer to each other  emotionally too and sparks fly, making the relationship a passionate one! But sometimes it is mere physical attraction that leads to passion and it may or may not last long. It may be just infatuation and may die down soon.

The emotional closeness leads to intimacy wherein the two individuals are ready to care and share. They may develop concern for each other’s wellbeing that leads to lot of sharing of personal information. This intimacy can lead to passion when the two may desire sexual intimacies. But their love may not feel complete until they feel committed to each other in this relationship. It is this commitment that takes them to the marriage altar.

Out of these three ingredients of intimacy, passion and commitment, passion may not last very long. After few years into relationship, it is bound to wane. It continues its existence, but not on the top of the list. Without a burning passion also, two people can remain good friends. It is the intimacy that keeps them close. Lot of sharing and caring continue to happen that keep them together. They show concern for each other and help the other resolve so many issues. In certain cases love can just be a platonic relationship (without hint of sexual desire between the two) being good friends and being there for each other in case of any crisis.  Coming back to what we were discussing, some times, the intimacy may slowly decline in relationships because of so many factors, like, getting too involved in their own careers, excessive indulgence in undesirable habits like drinking and gambling or even extra marital relationships.  People then slowly drift apart emotionally. They may even go in for a legal separation. But in some cases the commitment that they have made to each other can still bind them together, in the common interest of others who are depending on them.

Now a days we see lot of passion between a couple in the initial stages of friendship, which they may mistakenly believe as love. During the passionate moments they would have revealed their intimate matters to each other. But when passion dies and no commitment binding them, they can break apart leading to the emotional devastation of both.

It is this set of passionate couple that may go overboard celebrating Valentine’s day in all its elation. They shower expensive gifts to each other, dine at the most upmarket restaurant, promising everlasting love to each other. But without the commitment, it just can not last long. Many would be nursing a commitment phobia! How long can they go on like this? One of the partners is bound to seek the commitment in this relationship and the other partner feels that it is time to quit!

These days there are many ‘no-strings-attached’ casual relationships that both young girls and boys are ready to carry on. But it can have very serious repercussions, both on physical and mental health. They can not tread this path ignoring all the warning signs well written on the wall. Somewhere they need feel responsible for themselves and also the other person involved and wake up from this foolish stupor.

Marriage requires commitment. It can have the other two -passion and intimacy also in equal measures. To continue the commitment ’till death do us part’, lot of adjustments and compromises are needed. Subtle sacrifices are done. Love and trust are the strong pillars that keep the couple together. One needs to work on it like in any other relationship. No body can take the partner for granted. Mutual respect need to be accorded, space given to each other and yet feel totally connected. Valentine’s day or no valentine’s day, the intimate emotional bond can continue to get strengthened over the years……………….

All the above mentioned love are limited, conditional. If conditions are not fulfilled, then love disappears. But there can also be a love of a different kind that is limitless and unconditional! It is beyond bodily love or commitmental love. This love is in all our hearts. It is a gift that comes with creation. We are not aware of it. When we are ready to give that love unconditionally to others, the spring of love can overflow. It can touch every heart that comes in contact with that flow. This love is beyond gender, race or religion. It is the ultimate love that can soak everybody and is therepeutic to all. It can be panacea for all illnesses. It is spiritual. You just have to look within and unleash it. It can spread everywhere and pervade the whole universe. More you are ready to give, more it gets replenished. That is the Truth, the auspicious and the beautiful – Satyam, Shivam, Sundaram!

And it is this Love that I am giving all of you on this Valentine’s Day. I have no expectations of reciprocation from the other end.  I simply give becoz I have it in abundance! And I love giving 🙂

Love you all!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Let me once again make it very clear to all that the intention of my posts on Learning Disability is early identification and early intervention so that most of these kids will come out of the problem or the damages are minimized or intelligent kids are helped to make their own strategies to overcome the issues bogging them down. Please do not be hasty in labelling a child as dyslexic just because he/she shows some of the features of LD. There can be other reasons too as I have explained earlier.

Some children have very specific problem in the area of spellings or in writing or in one particular subject. The problem is then referred to as Specific Learning Disability or SLD.

Let us see what may be the indicators of LD in a child. And parents, please do not get unduly perturbed if your child shows any of these symptoms. The child may not yet have acquired these skills and given exposure and practice, it would surely catch up.

Many parents complain that the child is able to narrate the full dialogue of his/her favourite hero of a particular movie, but unable to learn three stanzas of a poemin the text book! Here we need to understand that there is no pressure upon the child to narrate the dialogues of a hero nor will the child be evaluated by anybody for at the end of this task! And the child has learnt it of his/her own free will because saying those dialogues gives the child satisfaction and he/she loves to identify with that actor that in-turn may boost his/her self-image. Whereas, the text book poem is not meaningful to the child’s life in any way, nor does it serve any personal satisfaction. Teacher has assigned this task and she is going to evaluate each child by the rendition of the poem. That may spell doom for the child for anxiety can create havoc in its mind!

Come to think of it, which are the most remembered events in our lives? I am sure each one of us have many memorable events that may or may not be significant to others! And I am sure each of those remembered event is associated with a wide variety of emotions! Yes, moments that have impacting emotions are remembered best! Some times you do not even remember what you had eaten for the morning breakfast, but would recollect with ease which coloured shirt you had worn when you dated your ‘would-be wife’ 15 years ago or even 50 years ago! or what words were exchanged between you and your girl friend in a fit of rage on that fateful evening!

Now make a story of that poem and narrate it interestingly to your child. Use many of the words that are present in the poem and in a similar sequence. Once you are able to hold your child’s attention and interest through this story, the child will soon be able to narrate the poem very well.

Some children who have LD may have problem understanding the emotionsprevailing in a situation. They will not be able to assess a situation as per the expected norm for that age. For ex: A 12 year old boy may start telling jokes to others when people may have gathered to mourn the death of somebody. or a child of 15 may not be able to gauge the intensity of his father’s anger and may wrongly place a demand for a toy at that time. This can happen because of a developmental lag in emotional maturity. This lag may persist even in adulthood. Parents may need to teach the intricacies of emotions and consequences to these children like how they would teach a lesson from a text book.

Many of these children have problems in sequencing information. For ex: they may not be able to list out the names of months in a year in their correct order. If they listen to a story, later they may not be able to narrate the happenings in the story in the right sequence. If you show them a calender and ask them to take out the page in which their Birthday would fall, they may aimlessly turn the pages without knowing where their birth month would occur.

Some of them have difficulty with directionality – the positioning in space, like confusion with up- down, next to, above-under, inside-outside etc. Most of them may have difficulty deciding the ‘right’ from the ‘left’ (laterality), reading a simple map and locating some body’s house. If the school building is very huge and students have to change classrooms for different subjects, some of them will have a tough time locating their class. They may be poor in ‘spatial ability’, ie, ‘what-fits-where‘ kind of problem in arranging puzzle pieces.

Children with LD may have poor temporal concept. They may be unable to gauge the period of time that needs to elapse between two events. Suppose their Birthday falls in the month of May, from January they start asking their mother when May would come? If they are having their tests in a week’s time, they may not have the concept of how long or short they have to wait to write the test.  They may have difficulty reading a clock, understanding the time concept and managing the time available to them.

…………….. to be continued

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In my first post on Dyslexia, I had mentioned that some children will have difficulties in the psychological processes of acquiring language, understanding and using it. Let me mention which are those psychological processes:

  • Attention
  • Sensory input or sensation
  • Perception (integration of all the sensory inputs inside the brain and making sense of them)
  • Cognition (understanding the information and associating it with the earlier information/experience and expanding the knowledge bank)
  • Memory and retrieval when required
  • Expressing this knowledge – either orally, through reading or speech, or in writing

The above steps are involved in any learning. If a child has problem in any of the above mentioned steps, learning becomes difficult. Many children have problem in focussing their attention and sustaining that attention for the required amount of time to understand it. Some of them may have a problem called “Attention deficit Disorder” (ADD) or “Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity Disorder” (ADHD). They will be unable to focus their attention and they will not be able to sit in a place for long. They are very distractible, fidgety and impulsive. They impulsively act without thinking of the consequences that can be dangerous sometimes, like, suddenly crossing the road to fetch a ball or jumping from heights during play etc. Inattentivity, hyperactivity and impulsivity are the hallmarks of ADHD. Any one, two or all the three can be present in a child with ADHD. More on ADHD here. Because of their attention deficit children will not be able to pay attention and learn the expected task.

Once attention is paid, sensory inputs reach the brain and perception occurs. We can make sense of what we have seen or heard or touched or smelt or tasted. This sensation gets associated with the memory of earlier experiences and our knowledge expands. This is the cognition stage. This once again is assimilated with other information and gets stored as memory in different areas of brain. When the information is required to be put to use, our brain retrieves the information.

For all this to happen, the necessary neural pathways in the brain need to be well connected or wired. If there is any problem at any stage of the wiring, learning may not take place properly or what has been learnt may not be recalled when needed.

Since our whole education system demands children to express whatever they have learnt through writing in an exam, many of these children would find it extremely hard to pass. And we readily label them as “dull”, “dumb”, “useless”, “good for nothing” “lazy” and what not? Does any parent or teacher these days have patience to look for the cause of this difficulty? Do they ever wonder why a child, who is otherwise intelligent and smart in other activities, fail to perform in academics? Does any child purposely want to earn the wrath of its parents or teachers? No, definitely not. Not without a strong reason behind it.

Here it is very important for us to distinguish between learning disability per se and learning difficulties that can be due to factors like, any impairment in the functioning of the sensory organs ( blindness, deaf and muteness), due to intellectual impairment or mental retardation, due to emotional deprivation because of family problems, or due to non availability of learning environment at school or at home (lack of infrastructure or facilities, poor teaching, lack of learning support from parents who are illiterates themselves etc), lack of stimulating environment etc. Sometimes vision problems, like, short sight, in young children go unnoticed by elders and children may have lot of problem reading a book or copying from the board because of poor vision. It is important to rule out all these conditions first and then check the child for learning disability.

Children with learning disability typically have average or above average intelligence, but there are glaring discrepancies between their apparent capacity and achievement levels. Since everybody sees ‘smartness’ in these children in their oral expression, in the way they collect information about something that interests them (they can reel out the cricket scores of various teams or list all kinds of dinosaurs or all models of motor cars) elders conclude that their low academic achievement is due to their disinterest in the subject or due to sheer laziness. But it is not so.

………………. to be continued

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In this post I would like to discuss other issues connected with adoption, more in the context of Indian milieu.

Who are the ones who generally adopt a child?

Married couples who have not had a child of their own, due to various reasons, who now want to go in for adoption.

Married couples who have their biological child/children and yet desire to expand their family through adoption.

Many couples these days want to remain childless by choice, go in for adoption, regardless of their fertility factor, to give a loving and caring home to a child in need.

Those who are not married, but are desirous of mothering or fathering a child can also adopt. Previously single men were barred from adopting a child, but now it is allowed.

There are certain conditions to be satisfied for adopting a child:

The couple should have been married for 5 years or more to go in for adoption.

The couple needs to have a reasonable income to be able to bring up a child.

The couple should have a good health status.

The couple should be free of any criminal records.

The composite age of the couple (i.e, their ages put together) should not exceed 90 to adopt a young child or an infant. And the age of each of them should not be above 45 years.

In case their composite age exceeds 90, they may go in for adoption of an older child.

Singles who wish to adopt should be between the ages of 30 and 45 years.

Singles should have a family supporting them in this regard.

Age difference between the single person and the child needs to be atleast 21.

A girl child will not be given in adoption to a single male person. 

A child will not be given for adoption to same sex couples.

Who are the children that are available for adoption?

First of all the child should be legally free for adoption.

Those who have been surrendered by biological parents or by the unwed mother- due to various kinds of prevailing life situations that make it difficult for them to bring up the child.
In cases of surrendered children, the agency generally gives the parent/s two months for a change of mind. In the meanwhile they are offered counselling services to be able to think of alternatives for the care and maintenance of the child.

Abandoned children found by a third party or police or by the child welfare committees or orphaned child found by anybody.

Destitute children – those who may run away from home and reach these institutions through police or through the child welfare committees or those who may voluntarily join the institution.

In the above cases the police do their best to trace the parents and send the children back home. If they can not be traced, then they may be placed for adoption. In case of older child, its consent is to be taken orally and in writing before placing for adoption.

In case of siblings, twins and triplets, care is taken not to separate the children and to give them to a single family in adoption.

Which is the adoption regulating body in India?

C A R A  Central Adoption Resource Agency is the governing body in our country that regulates all matters involved in adoption. Its main objective is to find a loving and caring home for every orphan / destitute / surrendered child.

There are In-country adoptions and also Inter-country adoptions done through this Body. Usually before considering a child for Inter-country adoption, it is first considered for adoption into an Indian family residing in India.

All adoption placement agencies in India need to be registered under C A R A and they must follow the guidelines set up by the State or Central Government. They are called Licenced Adoption Placement Agencies or L A P A.

Procedure for Adoption:

Those desirous of adopting a child need to first register themselves in any of the registered Adoption Agencies, with documents like Income Certificate, Marriage Certificate, Proof of Residence, health certificate, photographs of the couple, reference letters by relatives/friends who can vouch for the suitability of the couple to take care of the child and other such documents.

A Home-study is done by a social worker appointed by the Agency. The social worker will check the credentials and the suitability of the Parents desirous of adoption. A Home-study Report is prepared and submitted to the Agency.

Pre-adoption counselling is done to apprise them of all the sensibilities involved in an adoption.

Then the child is shown to them keeping in mind the description desired by the propective parents. Whenever possible, care is also taken to match the child’s features as close as possible to those of the parents so that there will not be too much of a mis-match and the child can gel well with other members of the family.

In case of an older child above 6 years, the child’s consent is also taken for adoption into this family.

Now petition will be filed in the court for obtaining orders for adoption from the court. This may take 6 to 8 weeks.

In case of a surrendered child, the surrendering document would have been signed by the parents or the unwed mother or in case of an unwed minor mother, other responsible family member’s signature is taken. These documents are kept in a sealed cover and given to the judge for his /her perusal. This document is kept by the agency in all confidence and can be shown to the child only after attaining the age of 18, if he/she desires to know this information.

There are three different laws that govern the adoption procedure and the adoptive parents are given information about these laws and they can decide upon the law by which the adoption that they go in would be governed.

Follow up visits by the social worker is done up to a year to check how the child is being brought up. In case the parents require post-adoption counselling on any matter, that would be available through the social worker. The visits by the social worker ends once the agency feels satisfied with the adjustment happening between the child and the parent/s.

The costs involved:

Cost of Registration is Rs. 200/-

Cost of preparation of Home-study report: Rs. 1,000/-

Maintanance charges of the child in the institution from the time of its admission : not exceeding Rs. 15,000/-, calculated as Rs. 50/- per day

Extra charges of treatment for any illnesses or hospitalization charges as produced through the Bills.

Conclusion: 

Here concludes my post on adoption and related issues. I have tried my best to give you all very authentic information in all the posts based on my own professional experience and the talks that I have had with adoptive parents and adopted children. I am open to corrections and progressive thoughts on adoption.

The issues that I have discussed in these posts are the ones that come up during counselling sessions. There can be many adoptive parents and birth parents and also adopted children who may not have experienced these issues and who may be perfectly adjusted and totally comfortable with the adoption undergone and who may have never felt the need for any kind of counselling. Hats off to these people. I am sure they can be very good confidants and counsellors to those who may require help in sorting out some of these issues and these well adjusted people and children can be of very big help to the support groups of adoptive parents and adopted children to motivate them to move on with life, enjoying every moment of parenting and every moment of growing up in an adoptive family.

I once again wish to thank the members of Sudatta Organization, Bangalore, for giving talks at our Training Centre in Malleshwaram to spread awareness about adoption. Sudatta is a self-support group of adoptive parents and adopted children in Bangalore. It was initiated first at Chennai. They have their branches in other cities of India, like Mangalore, Pune, Coimbatore. More about Sudatta here.

I request the readers to please state your own experiences as somebody who has been touched by adoption in any way in your lives. That would make the posts even more enriching.

Thanks to all of you for being with me in these posts.

For further details on adoption, please visit:

http://www.cara.nic.in/

email to C A R A: cara@bol.net.in

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Many of the doubts and confusions about adoption are alleviated during the pre-adoption counselling sessions. Here it is very important to note that both the husband and wife need to be in total consensus to go in for adoption. In case one of them is not too sure or hesitant or unwilling, it is imperative on part of the other spouse to help him/her see their view point very clearly. Counselling can once again help to sort out their emotions and come to a willing agreement. Many times, when one of the parents was not too willing for adoption, issues have cropped up at a later stage when they start blaming each other and blame the adoption for whatever differences / ills that have happened to the relationships. This can have a devastating effect upon the adopted child. He/she would perceive neglect and rejection by parents and would get emotionally scarred. This may lead to behavioural problems or psychological depression. Adoption may be a one time procedure but parenting a child is a life long procedure that may require appropriate counselling and guidance on and off.

Once the child is brought home, the parents have a tricky task of announcing the child’s arrival to their home. If the parents have resolved their earlier apprehensions and are comfortable with the fact of adoption, the act of “telling people” becomes easy and smooth. They need to have the courage of conviction that they are doing the most wonderful thing by bringing home this child to whom they are giving a new life and the child is giving a new life to the parents too! Parents at no point need to feel guilty or ashamed of their decision. The fact of adoption need not be covered in secrecy. If they can boldly announce the arrival of this child, people around them will also respect their decision and gladly welcome the child! They would willingly come forward to offer any kind of support that may be required by the new parents.

Parenting a first child is always very challenging to anybody and so will it be for adoptive parents too. It is very necessary that the extended family lend all support to the new parents and instill confidence in them that they can be wonderful parents to the new child. There can be moments when the child may fall sick or get injured and there is a tendency on part of adoptive parents to over protect their child and shield the child from any mishaps. If anything were to go wrong the parents may blame themselves for their inexperience and think that other parents would manage their children better than themselves. These anxieties need to be addressed by an understanding adult and put their fears and doubts to rest.

Adolescence (the teenage) is a turbulent period for all children wherein the children need to find an identity of their own. The ‘identity crisis’ that many teenagers experience during this phase of life can be exacerbated even more in a child who has been adopted. However well adjusted the child may be with the fact of adoption and might have even taken pride in the fact that it has such loving parents, the “need to search for its roots” may become very strong at this stage. Parents out of their fear of “rejection and abandonment” by their child may try to conceal all available information from the child. They may try to hide information about from where the child was brought home or information about its birth family if it was known to them. But here the parents need to understand how important it becomes for the child to know its origin. They have a duty to understand this strong need of their child and render all possible support to find its roots. This suggestion may seem very cruel to the parents who may believe that their child may never return to them if it found out its birth family. But these are very hard facts that adoptive parents need to be aware of and be mentally prepared for such an enquiry from their child. They need to be as honest as possible in revealing the available information. Many a times, such honest revelation from them increases the love that the child has for them and it will respect them even more for respecting its own feelings. It can only be a curiosity to know its origin and once the search becomes fruitful, the adopted child may return to its adoptive family as the child may realize that the birth parents/family were only there for namesake and all the rearing has been done by these parents and the bonding here would be much more worthy and stronger than the bonding that has never taken place with its birth family. It is very important to keep the communication channels open and welcoming between the parents and children so that no misunderstandings or misconstruing of situations can occur.

Many adult adoptees have recounted their feelings of alienation whenever there was any family get together, where some comment or the other about how a cousin resembles her mother very much or how a cousin has taken after his grandfather in his way of expressing anger or how certain traits run in the family blood, making the adopted children feel uncomfortable and wonder about his/her own traits and where it would have come from?! The unknown, dark past may stagger them many a times. Similarly the unknown genetic make up of the child may create anxiety in the parents’ mind too at times when the child’s level of its intellectual ability or any tendency to develop certain unhealthy habits that were never seen in their family earlier may become very intriguing and causing undue fears. But these fears can arise in any parents’ mind and adoption should not become a scapegoat. Most of our fears are unfounded and most of them are assumed fears and not facts. Sharing these apprehensions and not suppressing them is the way to resolve many of these issues.

Here comes the role of self support groups of adoptive parents and adopted children, where the parents and children can discuss their issues with others who may be nursing similar feelings or who may have crossed over such obstacles with their own strategies and acquired wisdom, now ready to share with others. “Sudatta” is one such adoptive parents’ self support group that is functioning in Bangalore city. In fact most of the contents that I have written here are from the notes that I had made while listening to the lectures by the Sudatta faculties, that were arranged by us during our Counselling Training Course. I am indebted to Dr. Gayathri Bhat, Dr Saraswathi, to Smt Sheela Kamath and Smt Radha Nagesh who came over to deliver lectures on adoption in our 4 batches of Counselling Training in the 4 years from 2004 to 2007.

More about Sudatta and other Adoption agencies, and the process of adoption in my next Post.

………………….. to be continued

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As a psychological counsellor, I have come across many adoptive parents and adopted children seeking counselling for various emotional issues. And somewhere deep down in my heart I used to wonder if I had counselled them effectively or not. Some times it becomes very difficult to transport myself into the minds of my clients and experience their pain as my own. Somewhere the pangs of inadequecy bother when the issue at hand is totally strange and unrelated to anything that I may have heard or read or experienced! But I take heart in the fact that our connections to other hearts go beyond words and experiences, beyond this temporal world. It becomes a direct connection to my clients heart as I have the firm conviction that we are all bound by the same spirit!

Adoption is one such sensitive issue that many people do not know much about, which makes it harder to deal with any situation that may involve adoption. You may meet your sister or a cousin, who suddenly declares that she intends to adopt a child soon and bring it home and you fumble for words without knowing how to react. Or as a School Teacher, you may come across a child who is sobbing uncontrollably because her friends have just then infromed her that her parents are not her own and that she was ‘brought home’ by them from somewhere! and the teacher finds it very hard to console the child.

I thought this would be a very nice platform for me to spread awareness about psychological issues related to adoption. Hope you are with me. And I welcome feedback, comments, information and even corrections or additions to what I write here. 

We can say that adoption is a legal process of expanding the family by bringing in a child that is not your own. It is also a process through which a child is separated by its Biological parents and goes into a family where it is looked after with all privileges. It is something similar to the grafting of a plant from one place to the other and the new location makes the plant its own and nurtures it well.

We all need to understand that first of all adoption is a a triangular shared loss and shared faith experienced by the three parties involved in it. It is a loss for the biological parents (or birth parents) of giving away their child, loss for the adoptive parents of not being able to bear their own biological child (for whatever reason – by choice or by force of circumstances) and loss for the child of birth parents. And it is with all hope and faith that the birth parents give up the child that somebody would be more deserving and caring than themselves to bring up the child, hope and faith of the adoptive parents that they now have a child to shower all their love upon and hope and faith of the child itself that it would now be taken care of with all love and security in a new home. And each one of them needs to be acknowledged of their loss first and then the gain. Unless the loss is acknowledged by the persons involved and accepted by them and suitably counselled, the process of adoption may face some turbulance now and then. Hence it becomes imperative on part of counsellors to see that the acknowledgement of their initial losses is  done suitably and the parties involved become ready to share further issues.

When should the Parent inform the child about its adoption status? This is a very tricky, important issue that goes wrong many a times. Parents wait for the ‘right age’ to inform the child and when they feel the right age has come, they suddenly are caught by the fear, “what if the child rejects them now?” and they keep postponing this ‘revealing’ endlessly, by which time the damage gets done by a third-party-informant! when the child comes to know about its status of adoption, it is a big devastation to the child to realize that the parents whom it trusted all these years are not its own and that they have betrayed its trust! Quite often the parents themselves get shocked to know that somebody else has made the revelation and that it has damaged the trust between them irreparably! The child at that stage may or may not be well equipped with language to express its shocked emotions. Unable to air their confused emotions, many adopted children manifest number of disturbed behaviour, like, bed wetting, preferring isolation from family and friends, throwing temper tantrums, aggressing upon other children, refusing to go to school, beginning to lie, decline in their academic performance etc.

…………………… to be continued

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People have a variety of fears. Some fear darkness, some fear animals, some others fear loss of face, some people fear death of self or death of loved ones and other so many. Some even have irrational, inexplicable fears of such high intensity that can upset the quality of their everyday life. Such intense, irrational fears are called phobia.

Behavioural psychologists believe that fear is a learnt behaviour and hence can be unlearnt. But biological psychologists are now saying that fear is neurologically based. It is hardwired in our brain at birth! There are neurons (nerve cells) in the brain that are found to be ‘fear receptors’. These neurons when excited produce certain chemicals (neuro transmitters) that create fear in our minds. Researchers say that there are certain innate fears in animals’ minds about their predators that make them escape from the site whenever they sense the presence of an enemy nearby. Recently in a laboratory experiment, psychologists have found out that if these particular ‘fear receptor cells’ are deactivated through genetic modification, the animal no more fears  its predator. They genetically modified these cells in rats that made them become fearless of cats and they could move about freely even when they sensed a cat nearby!

If these experiments can be successfully conducted in other animals too and the results duplicated, it will not be long before a similar fearlessness induced in humans too through genetic modification!

But more than we fear all the external enemies, is it not our internal enemies that we are to be more worried about? – the “ari shadvarga” of “kaama, krodha, lobha, moha, mada, maatsarya”? It requires soul-modification through spirituality than genetic modification of science to rid ourselves of all these internal foes! 🙂

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The above article is based on an article i read in Times of India, today.

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