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Archive for February, 2008

Time eats up the world!

How true the Upanishadic statement is! Well, I do not have to certify it as the Truth. I am only happy that the Truth of the statement has dawned upon me! I am humbled by the statement. We all have to live this day as if Tomorrow does not exist for us. And if Today were the last day of my life, what do I need to do? ………………………. for the realisation of the Ultimate Truth! ………… well, I do not do anything, I do not seek anything, I just dis-cover by shedding all false identities 🙂

Then why am I wasting my time here blogging??? What am I gaining out of this activity?? – other than the fact that it is nurturing my Ego day by day as I see an increase in the number of hits that my Blog receives…………………. and inflating my Ego by basking in all the appreciation that I receive for the posts that I write!……………. it is all ‘me’ and ‘mine’ that increases the restlessness of mind……………… what post to write next? what reply to give to comments? what rejoinders to write?…………………. all reinforcing the “I”………………

No, this is not what I want. There are more important things to realise having born as a human being. More interesting Knowledge to achieve, realise from within, for which I need to devote my Time. I can not while away my time in the illusion that I am the saviour of everybody by providing information about Psychology and Philosophy ……………….. that is my foolishness, my ajnaana……………………..

Dears, I love you all. But I can not get entrapped in this attachment. I need to wriggle out of this. I shall keep in touch with you all whenever I have something interesting to share……………………. but I need to go now, go deep down into myself, clear all garbage, drop all identities, find HIM, find my true self, realise that state of ‘Egolessness’ and get established there…………………….

With lots and lots of LOVE to ALL of YOU !

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you must all be wondering why there are no new posts in my blog for over 10 days now. well, my brother who had come down from australia for a vacation fell sick all of a sudden with a mild stroke and was hospitalized. am busy with that. i am sure by god’s grace he will soon recover and i would be back blogging.

love to all of you till then. 

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February 14th is an exciting day for young and old lovers alike. It can be a day of celebration of love. Love of all hues and colours, with all its grandness and simplicity. It gives me great pleasure to greet you all on the occasion of Valentine’s Day and say that I Love You All very much!

The word ‘Love’ has various connotations to it. As many connotations as the number of people who think about it and contemplate upon its meaning! The mother’s love to her children, the love between siblings, love and affection between spouses, the love between a Guru and a Shishya, love for God, the love among friends, the love we have for our pets, the love of the country, the love for a noble cause dear to us and so many others and then the most prevalent meaning as understood by ordinary mortals, the love between a young girl and a boy that has been celebrated through out human civilization in various forms of art and literature.

This love between a couple – a boy and a girl, a man and a woman, between two people of the same gender, as it is coming out of the closet more and more these days, generally have three faces to it. The intimacy, passion and the commitment. The generation and sustanance of love between two people depends on the amount of these three ingredients in different proportions.

First of all it is the physical attraction that brings two people close together. This attraction is triggered by the proximity of the two people. Perhaps they live in the same neighbourhood or study in the same class/college or work in the same company or may travel together to workplace. (It need not always be the physical proximity. It can even be the frequent proximity over an electronic medium like this, where the physical attraction exists only in imagination! 🙂 ) This proximity helps develop  aquaintence that may lead to excahnge of ideas and opinions. When the similarities in ideas and ideals become known, the attraction may grow stronger. They can come closer to each other  emotionally too and sparks fly, making the relationship a passionate one! But sometimes it is mere physical attraction that leads to passion and it may or may not last long. It may be just infatuation and may die down soon.

The emotional closeness leads to intimacy wherein the two individuals are ready to care and share. They may develop concern for each other’s wellbeing that leads to lot of sharing of personal information. This intimacy can lead to passion when the two may desire sexual intimacies. But their love may not feel complete until they feel committed to each other in this relationship. It is this commitment that takes them to the marriage altar.

Out of these three ingredients of intimacy, passion and commitment, passion may not last very long. After few years into relationship, it is bound to wane. It continues its existence, but not on the top of the list. Without a burning passion also, two people can remain good friends. It is the intimacy that keeps them close. Lot of sharing and caring continue to happen that keep them together. They show concern for each other and help the other resolve so many issues. In certain cases love can just be a platonic relationship (without hint of sexual desire between the two) being good friends and being there for each other in case of any crisis.  Coming back to what we were discussing, some times, the intimacy may slowly decline in relationships because of so many factors, like, getting too involved in their own careers, excessive indulgence in undesirable habits like drinking and gambling or even extra marital relationships.  People then slowly drift apart emotionally. They may even go in for a legal separation. But in some cases the commitment that they have made to each other can still bind them together, in the common interest of others who are depending on them.

Now a days we see lot of passion between a couple in the initial stages of friendship, which they may mistakenly believe as love. During the passionate moments they would have revealed their intimate matters to each other. But when passion dies and no commitment binding them, they can break apart leading to the emotional devastation of both.

It is this set of passionate couple that may go overboard celebrating Valentine’s day in all its elation. They shower expensive gifts to each other, dine at the most upmarket restaurant, promising everlasting love to each other. But without the commitment, it just can not last long. Many would be nursing a commitment phobia! How long can they go on like this? One of the partners is bound to seek the commitment in this relationship and the other partner feels that it is time to quit!

These days there are many ‘no-strings-attached’ casual relationships that both young girls and boys are ready to carry on. But it can have very serious repercussions, both on physical and mental health. They can not tread this path ignoring all the warning signs well written on the wall. Somewhere they need feel responsible for themselves and also the other person involved and wake up from this foolish stupor.

Marriage requires commitment. It can have the other two -passion and intimacy also in equal measures. To continue the commitment ’till death do us part’, lot of adjustments and compromises are needed. Subtle sacrifices are done. Love and trust are the strong pillars that keep the couple together. One needs to work on it like in any other relationship. No body can take the partner for granted. Mutual respect need to be accorded, space given to each other and yet feel totally connected. Valentine’s day or no valentine’s day, the intimate emotional bond can continue to get strengthened over the years……………….

All the above mentioned love are limited, conditional. If conditions are not fulfilled, then love disappears. But there can also be a love of a different kind that is limitless and unconditional! It is beyond bodily love or commitmental love. This love is in all our hearts. It is a gift that comes with creation. We are not aware of it. When we are ready to give that love unconditionally to others, the spring of love can overflow. It can touch every heart that comes in contact with that flow. This love is beyond gender, race or religion. It is the ultimate love that can soak everybody and is therepeutic to all. It can be panacea for all illnesses. It is spiritual. You just have to look within and unleash it. It can spread everywhere and pervade the whole universe. More you are ready to give, more it gets replenished. That is the Truth, the auspicious and the beautiful – Satyam, Shivam, Sundaram!

And it is this Love that I am giving all of you on this Valentine’s Day. I have no expectations of reciprocation from the other end.  I simply give becoz I have it in abundance! And I love giving 🙂

Love you all!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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I read an interesting (read nonsensical) piece of Research result, in New Indian express, bangalore Edition, dated 7th Feb 08,  found out by the Italian scientists. I call it ‘junk research’ as the results of such researches do more harm than good to woman-kind!

They have found out that wearing high heeled shoes can boost a woman’s sexual desire, as walking with high heeled shoes improves the strength of pelvic floor muscles thus upping her sex life!!!

Can anything be more stupid than advising wearing high heel shoes to improve strength of pelvic muscles? Are there no better exercises to improve ones muscles than to resort to heeled shoes?? Have we all not heard of people breaking their back bones by falling down, unable to balance themselves with a pair of high heels? How many ladies suffer twists in ankle bones, tear in the ligaments, postural faults, all because they could not manage their steps while climbing stairs or by walking on uneven surfaces with these shoes on?

Podiatrists (foot specialists) say that the anatomical position of a heeled shoe wearer is abnormal. This causes lot of stress to the feet as well as to the back bone. This leads to many stress fractures to the foot bones. This also leads to foot ailments, swelling of toes, shooting pain caused by injuries to foot nerves, swelling of the balls of feet etc.

When such is the long list of ‘rewards’ for the high heeled shoe wearer, was there any need to pump in funds to this kind of research to declare another ‘attractive’  result of increased libido for the wearer?! I wonder which woman would want to break her bones, have plastered limbs, be bed-ridden with a ‘high- libido’ !

Any takers???

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The whole of last week saw all news papers covering the story of Britney Spears’ hospitalization, for the second time in a month for her mental illness. She has been diagnosed as suffering from Bipolar Disorder. Before we discuss what exactly is Bipolar disorder, lets have a peep at her life story so far:

Britney was born in December, 1981. That makes her 26 years of age now.

In 1993-94, when she was just 12 or 13 years of age, she gives a singing performance with Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake.

When 17 years, she releases her first Album “Baby one more time” that sells 25 million copies!

In the year 2000, She co-authors two memoirs with her mother.

In the same year she goes public about her relationship with her boyfriend Justin Timberlake. In 2002 she breaks up her friendship with Timberlake.

In 2003 MTV music awards function, she lip-locks with Madonna that shocks the entire audience. In the same year, she wins a Grammy award for best dance!

In January 2004, she marries her childhood friend Jason Alexander and the marriage ends after 55 hours!

In the same year she befriends Kevin Federline, a backup dancer. And in September 2004 she says “I do” in a surprise  marriage to Federline. She wears a designer wedding gown that cost her $26000.

In September 2005, they beget their first child, a baby boy.

In September 2006, she gives birth to another baby boy. During her 6th month pregnancy she poses sitting nude for Harper’s Bazaar magazine.

In 2007, she gets a divorce from Federline, citing irreconcilable differences.

In the same year she goes for a new hairstyle – going bald!

She gets in and out of Rehab centre for drug abuse and binging and alcohol.

In between her stays at Rehab centres, it was said that she even tried to hang herself once. I have no authentic info on this.

Same year, 2007, Federline files for custody of 2 boys and as she fails the drug test and also due to poor parenting skills, she loses temporarily custody of her 2 children to Federline.

In August 2007, she tries to make a comeback at MTV Video awards function and disappoints everybody with an awful performance.

In November 2007, she pays $120,000 to Federline as Lawyer’s fee.

Next day her new album “Black out” is released and does a roaring business!

In January 2008, she loses custody of her children to Federline. She is hospitalized for an evaluation of her mental status and is proclaimed as suffering from Bipolar disorder. She is discharged after two days.

On 31 January, she is hospitalized again and declared sick requiring longer stay and treatment for Bipolar. Britney alleges that her mother is sleeping around with her ex husband Federline.

Her mother gains legal control of her affairs from her manager who was allegedly using drugs on Britney and mismanaging her funds!

On February 6th Britney is discharged from the hospital much earlier than expected.

My goodness, what a roller coaster story of Britney’s life events!

You must be gasping for breath after reading her story…………………..

But it is all very sad. A teenage celebrity turning out to be a divorced mom at 26, losing custody of her 2 children and ending up in hospital for Bipolar treatment! …………….

What is Bipolar disorder???

Bipolar disorder was earlier called by the name Manic Depressive Disorder. As the name suggests, it is a Serious Mood disorder with extreme swings in mood – swinging from one pole of Mania to another pole of Depression! Hence the name Bipolar.

We all experience mood swings on and off. More so the teenagers with the onset of puberty and hormonal changes and changing expectations from parents, teachers, peer group etc. But these swings become a psychological disorder when the moods swing on and off in a day, in a week, in about two weeks, continuously for over two weeks and it totally turns the daily routine topsy-turvy.  The mood can change from elation to depression in cycles. 4 such cycles that may disrupt family and occupational relationships and routine work within a period of 12 months call for an evaluation by a psychiatrist. When the person is in manic state, he/she experiences elated mood, over confidence, requires less sleep than usual, is in a high energy state, may become restless, hyper active, irritable, argumentative, lose inhibitions, may indulge in drugs, smoking and alcohol, may even go overboard with sexual relationships. They may experience a sense of grandiosity, believe that they have high abilities and power, the sense of judgement lowers, may go on a spending spree, lavish reckless spending, will think the world is under their feet! They try to create situations with impulsivity, with shock value that gets the whole world’s attention.

You see many of these descriptions suiting Britney’s life happenings stated above.

This elated mood can last for a prolonged period or slowly fade giving rise to a feeling of low, a mood of depression! During this phase, they suddenly lose that confidence, start feeling inferior, lose interest in activities loved earlier, may withdraw from socializing, may experience a sense of hopelessness and worthlessness, may get suicidal ideations, may even attempt to take their life, become sad, irritable and anxious, sleep excess or very little, over eat or eat very less, low energy levels and fatigue, crying spells and may indulge in excess smoking, drinking and drugging, wrongly believing that all this would bring solace to their troubled heart and mind!

Again you can see so many of these depressive behaviours occuring in Britney’s life events.

These two moods may occur side by side or one long spell after the other, sometimes experiencing remission or rest from these swings and have normal moods and normal routine activities. The disrupted moods can cause havoc in a person’s life style. Just now you have read how Britney’s lifestyle changed from one episode to the other in such swift sweeping style!

What causes this disorder?  It is found that it can run in families – mother suffering and later on the daughter also catching on to this, making it look like a genetically caused disorder. But it is not so in many cases. Both men and women can get afflicted with this at any age. But usually the onset is during adolescence. It can set off in middle age too. But more women seem to suffer from this as women tend to be emotional and are vulnerable to normal swings in mood due to the hormonal disturbances in every menstrual cycle. The brain chemicals can also cause this type of disorder in some. The life environment and events can trigger such episodes. They may go to any length to seek attention from others. Sometimes, these attention seeking behaviours can have shock value like some instances in Britney’s life – overnight marriage and divorce, lip-lock with Madonna, going bald on an impulse, shaving off such long lovely blonde hair. It is found that many with Borderline Personality Disorder exhibit this kind of mood swings. Many cases go undiagnosed for years before it becomes unmanageable and then psychiatric help is sought. In some cases Bipolar can be mistaken for schizophrenia and wrongly treated, specially when the person starts exhibiting psychotic features like hallucination (sense perceptions that others around do not see or hear) and delusions (wrong beliefs) (Britney may have had this delusion of her mother having relationship with her boy friend and announcing it to the whole world!)

Pharmacological intervention by treating with mood stabilizers can keep the disorder in control. There is no total cure as such. Traces of these behaviours can remain for long. Psycho education to the person and to the family can help manage this better. Psycho therapy and counselling done parallely with medication can go a long way in stabilizing the moods and carrying on the routine life activities without much disruption.

In Britney’s case it was a matter of too much too soon. A young person will not be able to handle so much of success and money and name and fame all at once. Those things can become a very big stress to the mind, though on a positive note. A firm back up of values passed on from parent to child, a positive direction to move on, good support from family and friends at the time of emotional crisis periods, keeping oneself away from abuse of substances, indulging in healthy hobbies and interests can all help alleviate this mental illness to a large extent and manage life with a positive outlook.

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Please see my “view n review” page. Thanks.

New pic has replaced the one on adoption that was there earlier.

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Two days ago we all learnt about a suicide bombing at Baghdad’s two pet markets, in Iraq, that killed nearly 75 people, wounding 150 people and hundreds of birds and other pet animals. Many of you may not even have read it as these days we have all become immune to such suicide bombings and killings as they have become the daily news in all news papers! and we have lost the sensitivity to even grieve over such matters.

But the most horrible fact about these two bombings were the two suicide bombers were girls with Down’s syndrome! and a person with Down’s syndrome does not have normal intellectual capacity and he/she is a mentally challenged person. How can such a person willingly give consent to be a suicide bomber? Surely, the girls here must have been tricked into it! and that is the most tragic part of the whole incident. How can this be an act of “jihadi”? Would Allah praise such an act??

Many of you may have heard of the term “Down’s syndrome”, but may not know what exactly the term refers to. Let me briefly explain.

Down’s syndrome is a life long condition of disability that results in mental retardation. The retardation can be of mild/moderate/severe degree. It is a chromosomal anomaly called “Trisomy 21” in which there occurs                  3 chromosomes in set 21 instead of 2 chromosomes. Human beings have 23 pairs of chromosomes (46 in total) in each cell of the body, except in sex cells, eggs and sperms, where only 23 chromosomes are present. These 23 become 46 when the egg and the sperm  get fertilized to procreate and the species continues with 46. These 46 chromosomes are arranged in pairs of two and there are 23 such sets. But in Down syndrome child, the 21st set of chromosomes contain 3 chromosomes instead of the usual two (totalling to 47) and this excess genetic material in each cell results in a dsabling condition called Down’s syndrome, named after the scientist Langer Down who described this anomaly.

I have mentioned Trisomy 21 as the cause of this disability. In a small 2 to 3% of Downs syndrome, the cause is Mosaic Trisomy 21 that appears not in all body cells but only in few of the cells. Whether it is plain Trisomy 21 or mosaic, the features are the same and the degree of disability does not depend on the kind of the cause.

All children born in this condition share very similar facial characteristics that make them all look alike. They generally have a round, flat face with slanted eyes. They slant upwards and they have an extra skin fold on their eye lids that accentuate this slant. But they can have normal vision like anybody else. The babies have poor muscle tone and are floppy at birth. Slowly their muscle tone improves as they grow. It is also observed that these kids have a single crease running on their palm instead of the usual three deep ones that run on our palms (some normal kids also have only one crease on their palm, but not have down’s syndrome). They also have a large gap between their big toe and the second toe that usually grips the sandal. Their tongue usually protrudes outside as they have a smaller oral-cavity and a larger base of the tongue that keeps their mouth slightly open always. This may make them vulnerable to many respiratory infections.

Like in any other condition of mental retardation, these children also show delayed developmental milestones. Their motor (movement), speech and language, social and cognitive development are all slow. The condition can be detected at birth itself by the pediatrician and it is obligatory on their part to inform the baby’s condition to the parents at that time. But unfortunately in India, many Downs Syndrome births go undetected or uninformed to parents that it may jeopardize early interventional strategies that can mitigate the damages to a large extent.

The condition can not be cured. But their abilities can improve to a very large extent by training that is given in special schools. A positive and an accepting attitude on part of parents, siblings and other relatives can help the child to a very large extent to improve its skills. These days many early intervention programmes are taken up at various special centres to children of a much younger age, as soon as it is identified. Physio therapy programmes can improve their muscles’ and joints’ strengths that improve their mobility skills and their gross and fine motor skills (bigger muscles and smaller muscles of the body). Most of them have speech delays and speech problems. They may lack clarity in their speech, articulation problems, language reception and expression problems that can be reduced through speech therapy. Most of these children are friendly by nature and they draw attention from others through their smiling face and readiness to strike friendship with others. This also makes them very vulnerable and children need to be protected from any kind of abuse. Their social skills make them very endearing to all and they are very helpful in nature. Many of them love music and dance. Depending on their intellectual level, they can be taught functional academics that teach them the basic reading and writing skills. They are soon trained in vocations of their interest and later on as adults they can work in sheltered workshops under supervision. Some downs syndrome adults can lead fairly independent life.

As I mentioned earlier, they are prone to many respiratory diseases and many children have congenital (by birth) heart defects too. These children may have to undergo heart surgeries at a later date when they can withstand the surgery.

Coming to the sexuality aspect, they also have normal sexual desires like any other person. But their cognitive deficits may make them vulnerable to sexual abuse and exploitation. And as adults, they get isolated from the mainstream and this loneliness also makes them vulnerable to any kind of affection offered by the abusers. They need to be given sex education like any other person. The fertility rate is reduced in women with Downs syndrome and researchers believe that males may be sterile. But one case of a downs male fathering a child has been cited in journals. Many females with Downs are fertile and there are many instances of them carrying their pregnancy to term and successfully delivering kids – either downs child or a normal child. These are cases from abroad and in India, it is very difficult to get such a person married and expect to carry out the responsibility of a marriage relationship and rearing a child. But it is not impossible with family support. Just because somebody is disabled, we can not deny them their marital and sexual rights. It is purely their family decision.

When such are the abilities/differences in their ability levels of Downs syndrome persons, it is highly condemnable that two downs syndrome girls’ vulnerability was used and abused by the terrorist gang in Iraq and they have now fallen victims to their suicidal bombing pact!

Our heartfelt condolences to the families of these two innocent Down syndrome girls.

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